These are uncertain times when we don’t feel we have a grasp on our lives and everything feels wobbly. And wibbly.
I was thinking of that wibbly wobbly toy Vidur had as a toddler. How much he loved that caterpillar literally wobbling its way around the house! Some days I feel like that caterpillar you know. Going through the motions but not very together up there. I think it is partly the weather — has been raining heavily on and off and when it is not, it is overcast and kind of gloomy.
Still, have to appreciate how we live in a nice home, have warm food to eat and are relatively safe.
Talking of safe, those wounds are still healing and I am walking better. The fall did not stop me from cooking, for which I am glad. I keep thinking of you all the time when I am in the kitchen, especially that time when you would hang those tubes with the draining bags from your surgery in that mirrored red bag and carry on with life regardless while we worried the sh*t out of the situation. I doubt if we will ever have the ability to be that cheerful under such circumstances.
I am amused when I think of how you were right about so many things, not the least of which is my interest in cooking. Every time I see a recipe I like and jump up to make it, I can’t help laughing. Of course, the motivation is Vidur’s presence at home. But still. I remember a time when I used to be content with seeing the recipe and saying ah, well. You used to be surprised because with practically everything non-cooking related, I would want to try my hand at it – including plumbing, carpentry, masonry, tinkering with mechanical stuff and so on. Well, you can be proud of me I guess, for enjoying something close to your heart so much.
Still, I must say that while I am grateful for all that you taught me in the kitchen, it is Vidur’s enthusiasm that actually inspires and motivates me to try new things. I really am surprised about that you know. Everything you said about “when I am not around…” is so true. I wish I had taken many of those things more seriously. But some things are just meant to be the way they are, no? We have to learn as we walk our own paths. Imagine if life were as easy as is we entered this world with an instruction manual. How very boring that would be!
Mmm. During one of our conversations about “those days” – when I say conversation I actually mean monologue — I was talking about how you and Paati would have celebrated my birthday on Saraswati pooja. I make paruppu payasam quite often and I was laughing over how I would not eat it those days. I always preferred the non-sweet, didn’t I? But it feels wonderful to see Sury and Vidur enjoying the payasam.
So another year has slid by. This year is so very different for any other in the last few decades, Mi. And not just because of the pandemic. I would not complain about anything though. We have faced tougher times and tackled meaner people. I am grateful that many of those people are no longer in touch with us. So much for close family, eh? We are not even in the gumbaloda-govinda category now. We simply do not exist. Or have ceased to exist. As you have always urged me to do, I prefer to focus on the silver lining of what is rather than what might have been. Because when I think of what might have been, all I can do is shudder.
I’ll make some tea now.
