So last night, very cleverly I stacked the pressure cooker, feeling very proud of myself for deciding on dinner in my head while walking, Mi! Fifteen minutes later not a peep from the cooker! Also, a strange smell. Of course we assumed it was not […]
Memories from another day . . .
By the way, remember those days when you would say you felt “fumes” Mi? I feel like that now sometimes.
A weird smell stuck to my nose. Triggers with certain things. Unrelated things like (gasp!) coffee–which should actually be holding me in its trance with the rich fragrance; the dish wash liquid–which should be lemony, and sometimes, just like that when I am sitting and working. Really crazy. You used to think it was your medication that gave you the weird feeling of that odd smell as if circulating inside the system. I am not on that many prescription meds besides the diabetes tablets, so I am not sure what’s causing this. I keep thinking toxic, toxic, toxic. Well, not as though I am bingeing or eating unhealthy. Even the “unhealthiest” for me in home-cooked, and I am conscious about my diet. So why?
One unusual thing last week was the non-availability of my usual meds. Ridiculous because what company stops supply of a diabetes drug? So anyway, our usual chap said “no supply” after agreeing to deliver, and finally brought a substitute with the same composition. Ewwwh, I tell you, first of all, the yellow color of this substitute put me off. Much as I love yellow, I prefer it in other things, not medicine. So anyway, this tablet was also smelly and I felt awful about having to do breath control when I swallowed it. Ugh! I would actually stop breathing while swallowing it and send lots of water to chase it down and drown it. That’s no way to take meds, right? Should think healing thoughts, right?
So I decided to scout around–we have no dearth of pharmacies near our place, as you know. These other guys had the meds and oh, what a relief. I did finish the strip I had bought of the imposter, though, because the pharmacy wouldn’t take back the remaining tablets. Irritating, since they don’t have problems selling me an incomplete strip. Thankfully, our old pharmacy immediately delivered the month’s quota. Can’t even depend on a standard thing these days, eh?
Know what I’d love? Having to stop all meds. I can fantasize, can’t I?
I am due for the routine tests and must plan to go for them. I will try and finish it next week.
In the meantime, trying to keep calm and carry on. And imagine I am sitting on that bench in the photo!
So the cold that knocked on the fortress door–fortress being me–decided to stay. The usual nonsense followed: rapidly worsening throat, cold, blocked nose, runny nose, constant headache, restlessness. You of all people know me when I am sick, Mi. I know what a pain I used to be. Just as well I didn’t fall sick often. This time I suspect it was the frozen kulfi I ate last week. Even by my standards it was icy frozen. Something had to give. And then the weird rains. All in all, they conspired to slow me down.
Point is, I want to say I understand. Those days when you were not well, you would be like a busy beaver between fevers and go lay down when exhaustion struck. I would laugh at you and scold you, saying that you should just rest, get better and get back to the routine.
You know what? I do exactly what you did. When I feel the restless energy, I go crazy trying to finish housework, much to the annoyance of those present. And then, I just flop down on the sofa and sleep it off. So predictable, no?
True what you said that when you are no longer around, I will appreciate and realize a lot of things–things you said and did. But Mi, I appreciated you even when you were around. Very much. I guess that’s why the pain of loss is so intense. Because I’ll never get over how unexpectedly–and unfairly according to me–you passed away.
I feel cheated out of your old age, you know. I imagined us sitting in our balcony, aging gracefully together, enjoying our early morning coffee, looking fondly at our plants while whispering gossip. Why whisper? Because while the fluttering clothes would gently fan the fires, fueling us on, the birds and the breeze would hear and carry it onward, wouldn’t they? Then we would plan the day, argue over the menu, fantasize over some crazy project we were up to, be hugged by Vidur–or probably miss him like crazy when he’s away, enjoy movies together with Sury…reminisce about the past, delight in the present and future….and so on.
Perhaps we would shop online together and wait like children to receive and open our parcels…and maybe even take a selfie or two?
Feel guilty over ordering food occasionally…
I feel denied all that and more.
If only. Sigh. Sure, life goes on and we plod on the best way we can…but it is okay to wish, right? To whom can I whine, if not to you?
Sipping my lonely cup of coffee….