Hold on or let go

That would really depend on the situation, right, Mi?

What would I like to hold on to? Memories of you. What would I like to let go? Hurtful memories – you know what I mean.

I know you kept advising me that it is best to move on, forgive and forget. Easier said than done. Every so often, there’s something to remind me. Could be minor, barely noticeable, but there it is – like that speck in the eye we can’t see, but hurts so bad. Even when we manage to remove the speck, it leaves a lacework of tiny raw blood vessels that take some time to ease off. And while they are there, it stings, making those memories rush back.

We know very well that the past is best left where it belongs, but the memories? It is not possible to lock them up and hope selective amnesia will set in.

And so it was that picking up a simple glass brought back those days, rushing in, filling up those happy spaces, like carelessly spilled dirty water in a recently cleaned area.

Oh I know time heals. But it takes its own time and sometimes, only does a temporary job. Like a coverup. Much like when there are sudden visitors and we grab everything from the living room and dump it in the spare room so we can clean it up later, only to find that the visitor must be directed to the washroom attached to the spare room. Bah! You know what the worst thing is? Those people who hurt us are either no longer alive or no longer in our lives.

Anyway, what I am trying to say is, healing can be a messy process. You know you have to let go, but that traitorous sub-conscious self sneakily holds on, and relishes the process of the conscious mind struggling with it, with no idea of whether to listen to the head or the heart.

Whoever said c’est la vie deserves some major applause. Standing ovation, even. Because that’s the absolute truth.

I keep thinking, this too shall pass. I am in a good place now, in my mind. Reality lags behind, sometimes.

All I can say is…

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