Absence is one thing, Mi. Presence is even more powerful, isn’t it? No matter what, we can’t bring back your physical presence. And yet, I was pretty sure of your soothing presence when…
- we were wishing Vidur well for his exams
- when his results were announced and we rejoiced
- when his school principal informed us his name was in the newspaper as a topper
- when we visited school and every person we met waxed on poetic about what a wonderful student Vidur is
- when we freaked out over the distance and transportation to a faraway college. Talk about logistics coming in the way of a wonderful thing
- when we were welcomed into a closer college with open arms for the very combination of subjects he wanted
- when we walk on the terrace reminiscing about old times
- when I sit and struggle to concentrate on my to-do list and try to motivate myself to carry on
- when I decide to have a cup of coffee, see only half a glass of milk, convince myself it is enough to have a half glass of coffee, and spill part of it when I pour it out
- when the coffee filter bubbles at me in the morning as if trying to say something, and I always hear only positive things
- when I see a red kurta the exact shade you love and wish I could buy it and see you wear it
- when I dream…and when I wake up
- when I am about to check my blood sugar and feel a bit nervous
- when I wallow in a sad memory and try to find the silver linings
- when I smile remembering a random joke, thinking about the laughter we shared
- when I have a wonderful experience
- when I lay awake at night, going over the next day’s to-do list and priorities
- when I knead the dough for the rotis and recall our conversations
- when I chop the green cucumber you loved so much, every day
- when I pick vegetables in the market and see your favorite brinjal
- when I look at myself in the mirror and see traces of you
- when I pack Vidur’s box while we argue what he’s going to wear to college today
- when the doorbell rings and I am delighted to see him back home earlier than expected
- when the courier arrives with books we’ve ordered for Vidur
- when Tanu calls and we talk for hours
- when I see the evening sky changing its colors as the birds fly across
- when I feel a little terrified at the thought of...I can’t even say it now.
Sometimes, I am not sure how strong I am, Mi.
2 thoughts on “Presence”
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She would have been so proud of her boy all grown up and all!
And lady, why do you doubt your strength? Hugs!
Hello Vidya. I have been reading your blog since few months. I have read every single post you write.I do not want to miss a lesson by not reading them.You inspire me so much. So much emotion and so much love and compassion in your words. Gratitude and giving back are your keys words that I have been following your footsteps. You are an awesome being ma’am. All the best to Vidur for the new challenges at college:) One day I want to meet you and spend sometime sipping coffee with you.:)
Hugs
Rashmi