That Lump In My Throat

So Mi, you know I’ve been writing to you every day, though not here.​

​I’ve also, as usual, being talking to you nonstop. ​

How could I not? Sometimes I am disoriented when I wake up anticipating doing something together, only to have the cobwebs of sleep clear out and realize you are no longer around to smile and say, come let’s have our coffee. I can now only imagine your freshly washed face with the vibhuti on your forehead, after your morning prayers. I fondly visualize how I’d annoy you by hugging you from behind and leaning on you heavily while you “hmmmm-ed” me and then laughed when I kissed your cheek.

The days sometimes seem like they’re tumbling into one another. It feels like we are rushing through them. Mostly because everyone is busy. I suppose it is a good thing.

For my part, I am carrying on – rather well, sometimes. You’d be proud of me – the way I am doing things these days. I have learned the hard way that it does not pay to put of housework. It just piles up, so fast that it becomes scary-intimidating.

Incidentally, Vidur woke up with a pain in the neck today. After teasing him about it, I offered to apply some iodex on it. He agreed and telling myself I deserved an award for volunteering to allow the smell to stay with me all day, I did. You know my affinity for all balms. Yech! So, in the course of applying it, I was telling him how it reminded me of you once hurting yourself, knocking your head on the sewing machine table while doing some cleaning up I had strictly forbidden you to do (I sound like an old gas no?). Remember how T dropped by and demanded coffee…and you both went to the kitchen where she noticed the lump on your forehead? She freaked out and when this was happening I came back home. I didn’t see it right away and when I did a few minutes later, I was so mad. I am laughing to think of how T kept switching sides in the argument. And how you promised you’d never do any cleaning on your own from then on. I was worried to death over you hurting yourself because you were just recovering from that major fall.

Sigh. So many memories, Mi. Oh, I wanted to tell you, just go chill with T, no? She needs the love right now.

You know, yesterday was World Organ Donation Day.

I couldn’t help reliving that February 8, 2010, the day you left us. While out on our walk, Vidur and I were talking and reminiscing and of course, it ended in tears. I’ll have that permanent lump in my throat, Mi. I never imagined there would be a day when you wouldn’t be with us. As realistic and as practical as I usually am, this is the one situation I never visualized.

By the way, I have to tell you this – you were right about the manifesting things. I am experiencing it these days in so many ways. I know I used to be skeptical – maybe cynical about it those days, but as I grow older, I am becoming a softie I think. More tolerant and ready to accept things.

I have a sort of trigger though. When I think of you, I can’t think negative thoughts. Go ahead, smile!

So this week I am wishing that:

• The roadside grandpa stays dry and safe as the weather is being really unpredictable with sudden showers
• Sury has a great trip and comes back happy
• Vidur settles down in whatever he is passionate about
• Vanita and her loved ones are happy
• Claudya’s wishes come true
• I get caught up on my work soon, after the lovely mini break we took

Claudya started a new linky #WednesdayWishes that I plan to link up with every Wednesday. I missed the linky this week, but no matter. From next week I’ll be regular.

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