I was listening to One Sweet Day by Boyz II Men and Mariah Carey. Oh yes, full volume, because it is such a beautifully recorded song. Half way through the song, of course, I found myself sobbing. Could be because it is the 8th, could be because of extreme nostalgia. Or could be because it is one of those days when I feel somewhat lackadaisical. Yeah, I’ve been wanting to use that word for some time now.

Mostly, I feel my head is so full of things, and my to-do list is so long that even though I prioritize, and tackle stuff, I feel overwhelmed.  It feels like…

“I am on a ride and I wanna get off, but they won’t slow down the roundabout” (Duran Duran, The Reflex)

Maybe it is because I am due for my regular round of lab tests, and that’s putting me off. I know I ought to feel good about keeping track. But just for today, I want to mope.

I want to sulk because you’re not around to encourage me, joke me into action, suggest all kinds of funny things to get me started, make me coffee and cuddle me, lifting my spirits and making me believe I can do anything. I want to hear your voice say it.

Sometimes I think I’ve slowed down, and don’t like the feeling. It means I take longer to do things, I get distracted easily and then end up feeling guilty, although, why should I? At the end of each day, I do reflect on three worthwhile things I did and I usually have more than three to list. So why the ennui? I know, I will get over it.

I am trying the usual pull-me-out-of-this-state methods – blasting music, cleaning house. They’re working. Well, only sort of. But I’ll get there, I guess.

Missing you is so very hard, Mi.

The lyrics of this song are playing in my head, because that’s what I heard first, today, from my playlist. Took me right back to those days when T and I drove you nuts by playing Boyz II Men songs in a loop, and when we weren’t, we just sang them all the time.

Sigh. I am looking forward to her call tomorrow so we can buddy up and whine.

“One Sweet Day”

Sorry I never told you
All I wanted to say
And now it’s too late to hold you
‘Cause you’ve flown away
So far awayNever had I imagined
Living without your smile
Feeling and knowing you hear me
It keeps me alive
AliveAnd I know you’re shining down on me from heaven
Like so many friends we’ve lost along the way
And I know eventually we’ll be together
One sweet day

Darling I never showed you
Assumed you’d always be there
I took your presence for granted
But I always cared
And I miss the love we shared

Although the sun will never shine the same again
I’ll always look to a brighter day
Lord I know when I lay me down to sleep
You will always listen as I pray

Sorry I never told you
All I wanted to say