I am going through a phase of je-ne-sais-quoi. Can’t quite put my finger on what that feeling is. It could be because of all the stuff happening in the last two or three weeks, some physical exhaustion, plenty to do, looking ahead. My eyes just seem to want to stay closed.

I sometimes wonder if I’ve got internet fatigue. Or maybe I am just pre-menopausal. Whatever, I am trying my best to stay sane. It occurred to me that in the past, I’d express in written words how I felt and this would make me feel better. I would also thrash it out with you, Dear Mi. And you would automatically wave your magic wand and make it alright. And the sun would shine in my life again.

This time, I am too lethargic to do it. Also, this time, I decided to do it in a different way. Of course, I fell back on my T-chart method. It always works. I made a list of all the good things I had, to look forward to. Lots of stuff. Very encouraging.

What is probably getting me down is my growing (too-much-)to-do list. Sometimes I wish some of the things on the list would just expire if I left it for long enough. But no, it only moves up the priority list and gets done. And life does go on.

Sometimes it is so boring to have to plan and do things by myself. Tomorrow’s Diwali, and am missing all the excitement you would build up for weeks before the day. Getting the special oil ready, planning the sweets, the new clothes and the overall festive atmosphere. This year, I am afraid that I am just going to make gulab jamuns. Just don’t feel up to anything else.  

Am grateful I have Vidur and Sury, without whom I think I might fall apart. Maybe I seriously need to take time off.