Mi – Vidur is maybe beginning to open up a bit. Yesterday he asked me to answer him honestly to his question, “Was I a good grandson to Paati?”. That was easy for me – I told him you always thought he was a ‘golden child’ and the ‘best ever’. The great thing about you was the continuous appreciation you not only felt, but also voiced, for our benefit. Many people didn’t do that and you always encouraged us to do it. If we don’t say it – how will people know? Like the time I attended the PTA meeting at school and kept raving about it – and you told me to write and let the Principal of the school know. It really works – because it is different. Who can live on assumptions?
Yesterday was World Kidney Day – and I wrote a post about it. I even got a jhakass badge on my blog! I felt very sad when I wrote the post – since you were suffering from all those complications. Gosh, I was remembering those days when we would visit Mahaveer Jain Hospital to see Dr Arun and keep on waiting and only end up seeing his assistant and feel lousy. What I hated most was his habit of speaking just a little loudly to you and slowly – as though you were a senile idiot. It is a good thing we switched to Dr Prakash. Sometimes I wondered whether it was the old frying pan to fire story. That time in 2007 when you were admitted in ICU with a Hb count of 3 and a platelet count of 7000 was a big jhalak – they never thought you would survive it. By God’s grace, you got a 3-year extension it looks like, now. Still…what a three years. In fact, ever since 2004 when you went on the renal diet life was quite crazy. You yearned for a morning when you would just wake up and say ‘I am fine’. Sigh.
Incidentally, I dream of you every night. When I wake up, I feel a bit disoriented, but somewhat happy. Consolation? Maybe. But they are all pleasant dreams…as though you were still with us, you know. I quite like it – I find it soothing. I swear I can hear you talking to me sometimes. Telling me something when I am in the kitchen – and I like it.
Hmm…Oh shucks….as usual my coffee got cold! 🙂 As usual, right.
I remembered a lovely story you once told me. About a boy who would never listen to his father. He grew up that way, continuing to never do what he was told, even when he was older. Just for kicks he flouted his father when it came to religious rites. Then one day his father passed away. From that moment on, the boy did everything exactly as his father would have liked. What was the point? The boy’s mother was very sad and remarked – if he had done all these things when his father had been alive, how happy it would have made him! Moral? Be nice to people who are alive. By trying to make them happy when they are dead, you are only trying to cover your guilt.
We are thinking that we should visit that Dept of Anatomy at St Johns one of these days to see what they do, as suggested by the HOD. Sigh – I also have to call Dr Patil. I feel I should let him know. I’ll tell you how he reacted tomorrow.
Mi – I hope I was a good daughter to you. I know you always said I was. I am glad I tried my best to look after you well. I am even grateful I got the chance to take care of you myself during that bedrest – how much we laughed! I am glad I didn’t listen to all those people who insisted I should get help. Love you, Mi. May you rest in peace. We pray to you every day – all three of us. Vidur misses the sudden ‘Choti maaaaa’ and the prolonged cuddle!